Inspections Inspections

I'm not a tidy person, I try but despite myself everything just explodes around me and turns into heaps of stuff. Mix that with the fact my fondness for washing up is on the same level of that for socks and it's safe to say my flat is not the tidiest place in the world.

When the words 'Flat inspections' comes up it strikes fear into many a students heart. It leads to such questions as 'Where's the hoover gone?' (which is still up for debate) 'How do I get blue tac marks off the wall?' (Proving impossible) and 'How do I get the illegal smell out of the soft furnishings?' (A LOT of Febreeze).

I hate still being up at 5am working my way through what seems like the millonth load of washing up, having already scrubbed the bathroom floor to ceiling, shoved everything possible into my closest, packed a box of books, and cooked dinner, only to find the next morning that the inspection has been delayed by a week due to 'unforeseen circumstances' bah humbug!

Hopefully by then we will have found the hoover, where could it be hiding?

Transvestites on the tubes

One of the things I love about London is how some really weird things are accepted as totally normal. Talk about jaded city folk.

Just this morning for instance I was just about to get on the jubilee line when the signals changed to announce that the train I was about to board had a fault and would not be moving an inch. Sighing I swung round and nearly ran head long into two women just getting off the next carriage. Except well...they weren't women.

The first must have been bordering on 6'5 tottering in white leather stiletto's and one of Kylies old stage outfits. The skin tight white one with the long slung neckline that ends up near her navel. Except this time it did not show of a glimpse of cleavage and washboard stomach, but an impressive amount of chest hair and a paunch. I must say the blonde wig was rather fetching though.

His...her? companion was dressed in a skin tight leopard suite with black knee high boots with heels that Kat would kill for. I was really impressed with the pair of them, people in the crowd were giving them the funniest looks but they just kept laughing and chatting in high spirits with one of the strongest east London accents I've heard in a while.

It really made my day, I was still giggling when I got off the tube at uni. Some people might scorn at such men for dressing in such a bizarre fashion especially at 2 in the afternoon. But it was nice to see people with enough confidence to just be themselves, and brighten up other peoples days. Surely that's something we should all aspire too :)

Books and Music

Ever since my brother blasted Evanescences first album through his bedroom wall as I read my way through Harry Potter and the goblet of fire music and books have been inextricably linked in my head. It just so happened that that album and that book went very well together. The true rock ballads kicking in in time for the battle scenes and songs like 'my immortal' when people died.

After that I have rarely read without music in the background. I think it adds another emotional layer to the book. Some songs can really fit characters or plot lines so well they just click.

I even listen to music when I write , hoping that it will give me the extra edge that I feel. Maybe one day if I get published I will release play lists to go with my story's.

Who knows on the upside Kat has nearly finished her essay which means I get to go to bed soon yaaaay!

Top ten turn offs of the average (and not so average) Uni girl!

We all know men are a funny breed, but it amazes me just how many ways they find to annoy the fairer (and more hygienic) sex.

After talking to some of my girls we have compiled a Top ten turn off's to better warn our fellow man. Be warned male readers your about to learn exactly where your all going wrong!

1. Uncommunicative: Whether it's never texting back or barely speaking on a first date it's very irritating. We women love talking, in fact we speak nearly 20'000 words a day. So when your not saying any we can't help but feel cut off and just a little bit peeved

2. Douche facial hair: Just because you can grown a beard does not mean you should. Bum fluff is never an option!

3. Wandering eye: hello my face is this way. As much as it's nice to know you appreciate our assets, if by the end of the date you haven't realised were wearing glasses you know your about to get the boot.

4: Gross misconduct: aka farting and the like. Two words for you. Just no!

5: Conversation killers: If all you ever talk about is football or the genius that created the bikini we think you need to broaden your horizons and get a new hobby.

6: Excessive body hair: Molt in my drink or in my bed and you die!

7. Bad breath: if you can knock your date out from 500 yards, you seriously need to go brush your teeth.

Ok the last 3 are personal peeves of mine, call me strange but it's all true

8. Pink shirts: So yes before the 1950's pink was a male colour. But in my book it will always look wrong.

9. Guys who drink girly drinks: Call me sexist all you want, but I can't take a guy seriously if he's sat there with a 'long' drink and a straw. Pints are the way forward guys

10. Guys who in texts can't spell and or refer to themselves in the third person: If a guy can't be bothered to spell properly, exactly how lazy is he? and the only person who can get away with referring to themselves in the third person is they queen. Are you the queen? No Didn't think so.

Well there you have it guys from the lovely ladies straight to you. You have been warned!

Merry Mothers Day!

Mothers are a bizarre breed. They know full well to become mothers they have to spend nine months the size of a small whale and then go through astronomical amounts of pain before they receive their child. Yet they do it anyway, are they really such gluttons for punishment?

After the birth they have 18 years of crying, tantrums, stomach bugs, bruised elbows, cut knees and every other kind of injury you can hope to think of. Personally I reckon they get their revenge by all the embarrassing baby photos that appear the first time you bring your new boyfriend or girlfriend home. I mean the amount of photos of me either fresh out the womb and covered in goo or dressed in all manner of bizarre outfits and bobble hats is astronomical.

I just love how intuitive mothers can be about their children. I swear mine is practically psychic when it comes to me and my brother. A sixth sense for trouble and mischief perhaps? It made sleepovers impossible, no matter how quiet me and Kat tried to be after being sent to bed, we’d always hear mum come up the stairs, not even bother to open the door and just be like ‘Bed now!’. Don’t even get me started on the amount of times she’s caught me sneaking biscuits from the cookie jar over the years.

Despite this I still think my mum is awesome, yes even when she’s nagging. She’s a real trouper. It’s not easy raising two kids on your own; especially when one of them has a bedroom that more resembles an explosion than a bedroom in number 5 Mintons.

She’s always been there to patch me up when I’ve fallen over or broken a bone or got yet another stomach bug. She even once locked herself out the house in her rush to get to me when I became Ill at school. I think ten year old me found it most amusing watching her swear as she had to break into her own house.

Yes we argue, don’t all parents with their kids? Mum can be queen of the nags when she wants to be ‘Move your shoes!’ ‘Hang up your coat!’ ‘Feet off the coffee table’ ‘Turn that down!’. I could go on, seems she’s rubbed off on me just a little bit though as I often now find myself quoting mum when I start to nag my own flat mates!

Over the years mum has done many cool things with me, she taught me to colour, taught me to read, even started to teach me to cook when she thought I could be trusted with a knife. I think the coolest thing though was when we went to turkey for my 18^th birthday just the two of us. It’s only once in a life time you get to nearly fall off a boat and land in a laughing heap with your mother due to a big wave.

She’s awesome love you mum!

Merry Mother’s Day!

I hate my mattress

We all know sleeping is not any students highest priority but I'm sure I'd be more willing to submit to the sand man if my mattress hadn't started a vendetta against me.

I knew when I came to uni that I would be VERY lucky to get a decent bed. Of course I drew the short straw and ended up with a little wobbly camp bed and an age old mattress with varying holes and random dips.

Ok so I added a few of those dips myself (Elbow dips from reading for the win!) but it does not make for comfortable sleeping especially when I am trying to alter my usual sleeping position (I'm normally a curled up on my side kinda person but apparently sleeping on my back is better for my back).

I've tried turning the mattress every time I change the sheets but the ruddy springs just wont leave me alone :(

I'm soooo looking forward to my gorgeous bed back home in chard with my other awesome funky blanket! Only a week to go now! Counting down the days!

More poetry

I am working on something decent for all of you lovely folk who have stuck with me through all this Lent stuff. But today my brain has just given up on me so I'm going to inflict some more of poetry on you.

Lucifer

Pearl drop of white

Upon the darkness

Swallowed up by night

I surround thee

Careful where you tread

I need you to stumble

Lost in eternity

Surrounded by flames

Blisters turning out of flesh

A pain such sweetness

To my lips

Dare you face my wrath?

You who is surrounded by light

Prepare to fall

For I am here

To break through your protection

No more light to save you from harm

Come and be drawn in

By my evil charm

Fallen from grace

I draw you near

Always heed the warning

You will hear

My name is Lucifer

Meet your doom

Lord of the flames

See you soon …?