The Future

It is dawning on me how really University is the easy part of life. We've already made the biggest decision we are going to make for quite a while. What to study, where to live are pretty big decisions in themselves, but they aren't permanent. You can change course, move house as often or as little as you want.

The future appears fluid, like anything is possible. Me when I think about the future I always used to picture myself at my desk in my future home looking out on the back garden or fields where my children would be playing and a big cat asleep atop all my notes, snoring in all its fluffiness.

But is that really where I'm going to end up? Probably not, in all truth it's a very selfish picture. I am forever tooing and throwing about whether I would make a good parent. Mostly I side on the side of no I would not. But even if I did make a decent parent is it even fair to bring a child into a world that has so many issues. War, famine, natural disasters, my cooking.

The fact is that I can't help but think my ideal future is entirely selfish. When I walk into Christian union most weeks I'm meet by a crowd of people who are mostly doing economics or degrees that will go on to help them to help people in third world country's. Me I'm doing Creative writing a fairly useless degree if there ever was one, it leaves me two choices, live in hope I make it as a published writer, or go into teaching.

My friend Vicky dreams of opening a bakery and a care home and having a full brood of children (of which I hope to be god mother to at least one!) and I honestly think she will achieve it. Despite her set backs such as her dyslexia she will always fight for what she wants, and she's one of the most maternal women you could ever hope to meet. She'd probably do a better job of raising my kids than I would.

Other friends seem to have it all figured out. Guess I really don't know what I'm doing, all I've ever wanted to do is write. Trying to write a blog post for every day of lent is proving interesting. It's nice to be pushing myself to do it and not giving up even when it goes a bit wrong.

It gives me the hope that maybe one day I may actually make it as a writer, or whatever else I'm supposed to be. I guess just some days I wish the path was a little clearer, less pot holes and punctuation errors.

Well either way I live in the hope that my life will not be selfish, that I can help those around me and that the wives (my close girlfriends and co from college) get to live up to all their dreams and expectations. Because to be honest they rock.

I still want that cat though